“Was he handsy? Did he get fresh? You know what boys want don’t you?”

This past January I was on a date when my phone rang. I apologized to my date, grabbed my phone and saw that it was Gma. I ignored the phone call and put it on vibrate. She tried to call several more times.

When I got home I called her right away to see what the big commotion was:

Me: Grandma, what is going on? You called eight times within two hours
Gma: Oh, did I?
Me: Yes. What do you need?
Gma: I have to ask you a question.
Me: Okay.
Gma: I can’t remember. What were you doing when I called?
Me: (uttering words I should never have uttered) I was on a date, Grams.
Gma: Your boyfriend?
Me: No, just a first date.
Gma: So, what was he like.
Me: Nice. Very polite.
Gma: Was he fresh?
Me: Fresh?
Gma: Was he handsy?
Me: (Dying a little bit) No Grams, he wasn’t handsy or fresh.
Gma: Well, what are guys like these days?
Me: They are all a little different.
Gma: Was he fresh with you?
Me: No Grandma!

As you can imagine, the conversation looped and circled mostly in regards as to whether I got, shall we say, “busy” with my date or not. After hanging up the phone and not figuring out the original reason she called, I was happy the conversation was over and done with. After all, she can’t remember that I’m not Richard’s wife, how is she going to remember I went on a date? Boy was I wrong!

Phone call several hours later:

Me: Hi Grandma.
Gma: How did you know it was me?
Me: It shows up on my phone.
Gma: Oh. (Pause) I have to ask you a question.
Me: Okay.
Gma: Where is my checkbook?
Me: I have it, Grams.
Gma: That is what I thought. So, tell me about your boyfriend.
Me: I don’t have a boyfriend.
Gma: You went on a date.
Me: How do you remember that?
Gma: Because you told me.
Me: Umm…he is very nice and polite.
Gma: Handsy? You know what boys want?
Me: Umm…to play checkers?
Gma: Some, perhaps. But was he handsy?
Me: No Grandma.
Gma: But he is your boyfriend, right?
Me: No. We have only been on one date. We can see other people.
Gma: You see other boys too! You are one of those girls!
Me: Grams, it was one date. We aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend.
Gma: So you go out with more than one boy at once?
Me: Grams can we change the topic.
Gma: Oh. Well, where is my checkbook?

That conversation was almost five months ago and for some strange reason she still remembers it. He and I are no longer dating and in fact there were quite a few dates after him. When Gma asks about him I just change the name and occupation to whomever I am dating at the moment. That you see, Grandma can’t remember.